Friday, September 28, 2012

Priceless Pictures!!

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I came across this quote...
"The greatest test of faith
 is when you don't get
what you want, but still
 you are able to say

This quote really pulls at my heart strings, I definitely did not get what I wanted, I wanted to keep my daddy around forever and that didn't happen but I still am able to say THANK YOU LORD!!
It has been extremely hard for me to be able to blog my feelings about my dad.  I have attempted numerous times and ended up walking away from the computer. I understand the term "battling cancer" a whole lot more, it was not just his battle, it became our entire family's battle.  In the beginning I felt like it was beatable and I just knew he would be made whole.  He had been on the Lords errand my whole life and I  knew the Lord would perform a miracle and heal him.  As time went on I gained a testimony about a term that I was familiar with, one that I had heard over and over again - "Thy Will".  I have knelt many times for others and prayed that the Lord's Will would be done but this time it was harder than ever.  When you love and adore someone so much you want them around FOREVER!! He was the first man that I gave my heart to, the first man I felt safe with, the first man who told me I was beautiful.  He was my ROCK, the one I turned to for counsel and advice, he was full of wisdom.  I quickly learned to appreciate every day that I had left with him.  I was blessed to accompany him and my mom on doctor visits and procedures that were hard and extremely painful for him.  Many times I would have to leave the room so I could compose myself, not fall apart and be strong for both of them. I treasure those times together, especially the fishing trip Tiff and I were able to take with him to Lee's Ferry.  We had such a fun time together!!!  I will never forget the time when we went to his last doctors appointment in the Valley and we met a pain management doctor (Dr Sterns).  That is an appropriate name for her because she was very "stern" and made it very clear that my dad didn't have much time left.  I sat in the room feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.  He told her that he had a few more things on his bucket list and she told him to get busy!!  When we finally got to the car all three of us broke down and had a good cry. My dad then called this lady that he was suppose to perform her sons sealing in the Temple that weekend and told her how yucky he was feeling and that he wasn't going to be able to do it.  He just wept with her over the phone because he longed to be in the Temple again serving  the Lord and others.  He then turned to my mom and asked her to get some money out of his wallet and call  my cousin who is battling with cancer in her leg and go by and see her. It was a really neat experience for me, a teaching moment, he continued to teach me to the very end.  I have many experiences and stories I could share but feel that they are too sacred and personal.  As a family we experienced tender mercy after tender mercy.  I have so much to be thankful for!!  Forever grateful to a loving Heavenly Father for allowing me the privilege of being raised by such an amazing man.  Love you Daddy!!!         8-8-2012


debrajo said...

I just love you! This post makes me cry.

I feel like Uncle Lewis is still close to us all, because his influence (even through his death) has so deeply affected so many people. He was a ROCK, and you are, too! You are so special and you have your own circle of influence just like your parents did, and I KNOW he is so proud of you, Jamilynn! You are beautiful and you're such an awesome cousin, and a stellar wife, mother, and friend to ALL who know you. I want to be more like you.

I'm glad you finally blogged about it, even if it's hard...because as vivid all your feelings are right now, you don't want to forget the things you experienced and learned in the final days/months with your dad.

debrajo said...

You should still write down the things that are too personal to share on a public blog so that you don't forget them. You probably already have something like this, but a private blog, or a different journal of sorts is a good place to remember those things.

Love you!